In Which Willpower Battles Bad Habits

My life is only as simple as I make it, which means it’s rarely simple at all.

I have a full-time job that I like but tends to leave me mentally exhausted most days (because I am an introvert and the work is truly best suited to someone who is an extrovert), and a family scattered up and down the eastern side of the US that I see far less than I’d like due to a variety of valid reasons. I have a pretty great partner and a super senior cat that often gets offended by my need for sleep and loudly voices her opinion.

Usually about 1:30am.

And 3am.

I am fairly certain that up until recently I handled whatever chaos my life and brain created with little fanfare or sleep, but that was Before Perimenopause. Life BP now seems like a dream, a lovely, lovely dream.

That’s not to say I didn’t have some of the symptoms in that before time, my brain fogs are a legend in my own mind, but now if I don’t get at least 6 hours of sleep I am a mess (four hours was fine for years…), I fall asleep at the drop of a hat at exactly the wrong time, and it feels like I am fueled by anger that has no basis and ends with tears for no reason. But what put me on a new path wasn’t any of that, funny enough.

It was when I decided to take a day for myself and go through my clothes that I hit the proverbial wall.

It was a warm day, more suited for summer, and I wanted to make sure my summer clothes were ready to go. I have six pairs of shorts, three purchased last year, three are so old I can’t remember not having them. Not one pair fit by a mile. Or an inch or two.

Shocked and disappointed, I told a friend my woes and then made and frosted two dozen cupcakes and proceeded to eat about half that day and the next.

Because that helps. (Read that in your most sarcastic tone.)

That was a Friday, and by Sunday I knew something had to give. I’m not a twenty-something that can go for days with little sleep like I used to. I’m not a thirty-something that can lose a few pounds in a week with little effort. I’m at the tail end of my forties and Perimenopause is no freaking joke.

My physical health needs as much attention as my mental health, that’s true for everyone, in my opinion, but everyone also has their own paths to take – there isn’t a one size fits all approach. And maybe something that works today won’t work next week. But I think trying is all we can do. Just keep trying.

This past week I made healthy breakfast cookies and planned out my lunches. For supper I added more veggies than carbs. I also had a cupcake and a banana and called it lunch one day. So, my willpower struggles when it comes to sugary foods, I don’t think I’m alone in that neverending battle, but it’s like any mistake, it’s all in how you handle the aftermath.

Acknowledge it, own it, find a workable solution.

For supper that night I had a very healthy meal, stopped when I felt full, and didn’t snack before going to bed on time. And it felt really good.

My mental (emotional) state is something else. I can run the gamut of emotions in under 15 minutes, or be totally calm for hours. Little things set me off, either I fly off the handle or cry, and that’s good or bad. It makes absolutely no sense and trying to explain it makes my head hurt. You know how things get whirled about inside of a tornado funnel? It’s like that.

I’ve slacked off writing in my planner, but when I do it helps more than I like it to, which is ridiculous. I think that’s my Self-sabotaging side coming out to play (cupcakes, anyone?) and she and Willpower are mortal enemies. It’s Good Willpower and Evil Self-Sabotaging going at it overseen by Perimenopause refereeing. And Peri is being paid to make bad calls by Evil Self-Sabo.

You know, thinking about it in those terms makes so much sense now…

Tune in next week for ACT TWO: THINGS GET WORSE, ESTABLISH CHARACTERS/WORLD MORE
In which the Battle of Good and Evil continues

TV Episode Outline taken from: https://www.wescreenplay.com/blog/how-to-write-a-tv-pilot-outline/