I like stuff.

Books and notebooks and pens and pencils and little geeky items like POP! Dolls and associated fandom bits and bobs.

The problem with liking stuff is that eventually it piles up, because not only do I like stuff, I have a hard time parting with things that were gifted to me because it feels insulting to the giver.

Even if the gift was given in 1985.

I do have moments when I am swept away in a frenzy of de-cluttering, when I just start tossing out things like tearing off a band-aid; quick enough to barely feel the pain. Unfortunately, when I do that I later end up either realizing I threw away something actually important or I spend a week in a funk over being a horrible person (friend/family) for not appreciating gifts and wasting money on things just to get rid of them.

The thing is, too much stuff creates clutter that really stresses me out.

One of the things I love about traveling is that even when I overpack I still have only a tiny fraction of my possessions to worry about and I get along just fine. Sure, it’s only for a week or weekend, and responsibilities also tend to fly out the window (for the most part) while on vacation, but if I don’t have something I need at the time, I make the decision to buy it new or, as is usually the case, I find a way to do without. Partly because I want to spend my money on fun stuff, and partly because whatever I buy I have to bring home and if that means in a suitcase or backpack I end up lugging around an airport or bus station I’d rather do without it.

I’ve tried a lot of ways to organize my stuff. Donating only works for so long because if I can’t get rid of the bag or box right away I end up going through it and taking out things. Organizing has turned into a game of tetris that is just a way to keep my stuff but packed away so well that I can rarely get to it again. Or maybe it’s jenga, where I move stuff around but to get to it again I tumble the tower?

I’ll stop with the analogies.

Working from home the last few months has forced me to face my stuff. And I don’t like it.

I read Marie Kondo’s book The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up (Kindle version) this week and she talks about how keeping too much stuff can be like not letting go of the past in order to move forward. I thought about that for a while, and in my case I think that is definitely true. I have mementos from moments in my life that bring up terrible feelings inside and yet I keep them (stored away) so I won’t forget. I’m not sure if that’s very healthy, even if I’m not looking at them but once every few years. 

I have this vision for how I want the bedroom to look, with my office area to the side, and until recently I thought the answer was to throw out a few things, and pack the rest away in file cabinets (I have one and was contemplating buying a second one) or nice bookshelves…which is adding even more furniture to the space.

That doesn’t make sense to me now. Also, I don’t want to spend the money on new furniture when what I have is actually more than enough!

My taller half is one step from a minimalist (not counting the garage), and he absolutely doesn’t get my attachment to stuff. It’s not an argument, he gets that it’s just me, but at some point his head might swivel off his neck if he keeps shaking his head in confusion and exasperation like he has been. He likes the new bedroom layout I have in mind, so I know I’m on the right track to keep us both happy in our space.

I’ve also noticed that I will use the excuse to “get some cleaning done” (ie. organizing stuff, not actual cleaning) to avoid things like…blog posts and working on my Capstone Project. Or writing. Which leaves me feeling guilty and angry at myself, and that leads to being snippy and contrary in general and nothing gets done, and my problem remains unsolved. If I sit on the couch in the evening I will think about projects I want to complete (or have yet to start) because I want to get my house, specifically the bedroom with the office, at a point where I feel calm and productive before I get back to the project or start it at all. Just the thought of what it would take to get that level of perfection is paralyzing most days.

Which means nothing gets done. 

So, I thought I’d give the “KonMari” method a try. In the book she talks about the various methods she has tried over the years to tidy up that never really work, and I recognized all of my own past efforts. She recommends cleaning by category and in order: Clothes, books, papers & miscellaneous, then sentimental items. And do it all in one big push. When I read that to do this you must (for example) gather every article of clothing you own and put it in one spot to then go through to see what “sparks joy” (keep) or what doesn’t (discard) I realized that for someone who hates clothes shopping…I have more clothes than I will ever need. I can think of a garbage bag’s worth of clothes that were gifts or souvenirs from vacations that I don’t wear for various reasons right now as I’m writing this. That’s…ridiculous.

Do I really need that crop top I bought 17 years ago on my first visit to Hershey Park which I wore (maybe) twice and has since been in a plastic bin for the last 15 years? What about that box of elastic bracelets from the 90’s that I didn’t know I still had until last week, and that I considered giving to a friend who has daughter who love that kind of play jewelry but instead packed them back up and put them away where I found them… Since I mentally facepalmed while writing that, here’s Picard feeling the same level of annoyance.

I’m not comfortable showing pictures of my house, or even the inside of my closet online so there won’t be any of that here, I just felt the need to tell “the world” as it were that I’m doing this to give myself some accountability. Tackling clothes all this week, and books the next because while Marie Kondo says to do it all at once, she also acknowledges that it’s a process that everyone will deal with differently. I’m looking forward to it, weirdly enough.

I just need to start.

Take care everyone, and wear a mask!!!

Oh! I also want to mention that Marie Kondo also has a manga version of her book, The Life-changing Manga of Tidying Up (Kindle version), which follows a young woman through her journey to tidy up with the help of Kondo herself. It’s adorable, a quick read, and a cool visual companion to the book. I actually read the manga before the book.