I love my comfort zone. It’s a nice place, a safe place, but I get stuck there sometimes, especially when I have something to do that I am unsure about, either because I lose confidence in my ability to do a good job or because it seems so big I don’t see how I can break it down to finish it. For the first research assignment I had for grad school, I took a hard look at my writing (or lack thereof) and what was holding me back – aka, I researched procrastination and comfort zones.

A friend who is a licensed social worker, said, “A comfort zone is a place of security and safety, and you want to stay there where there is no stress or worry to deal with. It is a form of control to remain in this mental risk-free environment, and a person isn’t wrong to want to stay there. You can’t live in high risk all of the time, but if you remain in that comfort zone, you could begin to ignore the world around you.” We had been talking about procrastinating to stay in a comfort zone, specifically my comfort zones, and her words really hit home for me then, and I think about them often two years later when I find myself ignoring a task to binge-watch a show I’ve seen multiple times. That’s when I have to ask “what am I afraid of?” And that’s when I have to get myself moving.

Last week, while I was feeling a little like I was holding onto a blade of grass while the world was spinning out of control around me, someone asked me to co-chaperone a week long trip that would require me to step outside of my comfort zone. More like take a giant leap, make a double backflip and stick the landing. On ice. That kind of “outside” of my comfort zone.

My first reaction was, as it has been when I was asked to do the same thing over the last five or so years – NO. Or more politely, no thank you, I’m going to go away now and pretend this interaction never happened. There I was, that no in my throat and ready to burst forth accompanied by a panicked-guilty smile, legs tensed to run away as soon as I finished speaking (if not before) when timed just…stopped, and two thoughts lit up like marquee signs in my mind.

If I said no, it wasn’t going to end the world. No one actually expected me to say yes, I never had before, why change now? But…

But…I had been feeling like my life is out of control for a while now, and that blade of grass was not going to hold for much longer unless I did something, anything to put order to the chaos and give myself just a small measure of control.

I said yes.

Then I had to repeat myself because the person asking wasn’t expecting it.

Five minutes later I was making tea because it was that or sit on the floor and hyperventilate.

Am I exaggerating? Slightly, I would have sat in a comfy chair, not on the floor.

I’ve had six days to live with my decision, and at no time have I considered backing out because I believe I need to do this. I have some idea of what to expect, but nothing concrete, and that scares me. The amount of responsibility scares me. The fact that I might be sleeping on an air mattress scares my back. There’s so much that scares me about this whole deal that I knew, in that second when time stopped, that I had to do it.

Will I have second thoughts? Oh, absolutely, probably starting on the drive to the airport, but I’m not going to back out. Last year I climbed up the many, many steps to the top of a lighthouse because I am terrified of heights. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time, and I bought a “I climbed the steps” certificate in the gift shop to remind myself of my triumph (even if I was pretty much in tears for the majority of the descent). I did that then, and I can do this now.

And then I’ll most likely spend a couple of weeks being very, very happy back in my comfort zone, but wrapped up in the knowledge that I did something unexpected and scary and lived to tell the tale. (Yeah, I’ll probably blog about it.)

What motivates you to step outside of your comfort zone?